Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
