Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
