She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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