I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
