1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Sober January is a disaster.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
