The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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