I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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