If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
