we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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