my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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