Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Of course I have a pirate flag
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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