Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
