It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
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you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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