i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
