Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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