Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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