i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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