Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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