Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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