they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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