Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
