i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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