Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
