It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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