why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
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I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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