So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
