I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
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somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
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What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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