I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
