Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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