Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
