it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
