i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
