My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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