There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
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He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
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Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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