My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
