I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
