he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
