I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
