...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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