So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
