Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
