just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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