i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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