How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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