Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
