i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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