I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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