Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
