i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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