An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
