I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
