I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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