You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
