I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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