Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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