I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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