I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
