I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
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How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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