Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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