That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
