First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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