My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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