Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
